White Savior-hood is Everywhere: 'I’m just trying to grocery shop'

Julia Laube:

When I was very young, small enough to be carried around by my dad, I had a friend I was very close to who was African American. One day, my dad was carrying the two of us around the grocery store, with me on his hip and my friend sitting in the cart seat. Allegedly, a woman stopped him in an aisle while shopping and asked “are they both yours?!” Rather annoyed right away at the implications of the question and ready to move on with his day, my dad simply said “yes,” hoping this would end the conversation and he could disengage this woman as quickly as she could.

She continued to prod, saying how wonderful it was that he “did that” (implying transracial adoption). My dad quickly excused himself and walked away. This interaction, unfortunately, perfectly displayed what has come to be known as White Savior-hood, or the idea that White people see people of color as needing to be saved from themselves. He walked away from this interaction feeling disgusted, and rightfully so, as White Savior-hood perpetuates negative stereotypes about people of color, and does an incredible amount of harm. The woman probably thought of my dad as ‘rescuing’ a disadvantaged Black child.

Maybe the most obvious piece of advice would be for him to have told the truth

So, what should my dad have done in that situation? Honestly, I don’t have much advice for him. Maybe the most obvious piece of advice would be for him to have told the truth, but in my opinion that isn’t worth ruminating on: he did what he saw would get him out of the situation the quickest, and furthermore, he didn’t owe this woman an explanation. Besides this, in the future he could’ve further questioned the woman, had he had the emotional energy, and ask why it was so great that he “did that.” If she had come up empty-handed, he could’ve pointedly reminded her that he hadn’t ‘adopted’ the child based on the child’s skin tone.